Here’s how to find everyone’s favorite furry legend!
So, you want to prove the legend of Bigfoot is true but don’t know where to start? No problem. Here are ten simple ways to up your odds of coming across a “squatch” in your outdoor adventures. It’s easier than you might think!
10. Use their favorite foods as bait.
If you research this subject, you’ll find Bigfoot eats just about everything from nuts and berries to fish and even pancakes. Personally, I would just go with beef jerky. Why? Well, it works so well in the commercials…
9. Ask Nessie for Help.
Everyone knows Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster are best friends. It’s an Internet fact. And they can’t put anything on the Internet that isn’t true. So ask our Scottish friend Nessie where he last saw ole big and hairy, he’ll point you in the right direction.
8. Signs of Bigfoot activity are subtle.
Piles of leaves, broken branches and misplaced rocks are all DEFINITE indicators of Sasquatch activity in the woods. None of that stuff can occur naturally, nope, none at all!
7. Consume lots of alcohol.
Our extensive scientific studies show rednecks in the woods drinking beer see Bigfoot 90% more often than sober campers. Remember to do your drinking in the most remote location you can find. An isolated log cabin where there are no other witnesses to corroborate your story is perfect. Bigfoot just loves terrorizing drunk people in remote cabins or tents!
6. Take along Rob Lowe.
After all, the actor recently claimed he had an encounter with the creature. We’re pretty sure that by the rules of the Internet, that now makes him one of the world’s foremost authorities on the subject. Go ahead, Tweet him and ask him to go on a Bigfoot hunt.
5. Walk around the woods randomly at night howling and knocking on trees.
Because as any deer hunter will tell you, the absolute best way to find an animal that is shy and spooks easily is to tromp through their bedroom at night making as much noise as humanly possible.
4. Stake out popular Bigfoot Crossing spots.
Bigfoots just love making mad dashes in front of vehicles late at night and then vanishing into the woods just as quickly. It’s one of their favorite hobbies. Just stand by the sign and he’ll come by eventually. (By the way, that’s a REAL sign by Pike’s Peak in Colorado. No, I’m not kidding, I took this photo myself!)
3. Remember, EVERY sound you hear in the woods is Bigfoot.
Branch snapping? Bigfoot. Leaves rustling? Bigfoot. Owl hooting? Don’t be silly, that’s just a squatch trying to be stealthy. Don’t be fooled! Now run blindly into the woods from the direction the sound came from!
2. Look in blurry and out-of-focus areas.
Bigfoots are known to most frequently converge in these areas. Generally, the more blurry the area, the greater your odds will be! Consequently, this leads to our next tip…
1. Bring the crappiest camera possible.
A Sasquatch can smell a quality camera from over 1,000 yards away. And they’re terrified of them. So leave your $3,000 HD video camera at home. Use your old cell phone instead. The older and crappier the camera, the better. Something that’s 10 years old or more and only has one or two megapixels is perfect. Make sure to keep your phone in vertical mode the whole time. Zoom? Who has time for that when there’s a Squatch in front of you?
Make sure you also scream and shake the camera as much as possible when you finally get him in frame.
So there you have it, 10 surefire ways to find everyone’s favorite cryptid. Don’t get discouraged that Bigfoot is the reigning hide-and-seek world champion, a short lifetime of effort and maybe you, too, will have an encounter with a big hairy monster in the woods!