Apocalypse Bunkers: How to Convince Your Spouse You Need One

I mean, who doesn't need an apocalypse bunker?

Maybe you think the apocalypse will come because of a financial meltdown or natural disaster. Maybe it will be a nuclear war or an alien invasion, zombies crawling through the streets, or maybe you just always dreamed of building a badass bunker.

Whatever the reason, here are a few tricks to use on your spouse to convince her/him that it is incredibly important to have an apocalypse bunker. Since I am a man and my spouse is a woman, I can only speak from that perspective:

Lie

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Tell her it will be warm, cozy and spider-free with the Ed Sheeran Pandora channel playing at all times.

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Show Restraint

Never ever allow the words "man cave" to enter the discussion.

Subconscious Suggestion

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Try to work the storyline from Red Dawn into all conversations.

Subvert

Surprisingly, the thought of eating 25-year-old food does not elicit excitement in certain spouses. Avoid that topic as well. 

 

Get a Buy-in

Ask her if she'll decorate it when it's done.

Persuade 

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Break it to her gently that the super-cool leather clothing fashions in the Mad Max movie franchise won't really exist in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Therefore, a bunker is a better option than being seen in public wearing tattered rags.

 

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Guarantee her that your bunker will be better than her sister's bunker.

Fib

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Tell her she can name it "Bunk-Her."

Exaggerate

"Room for a vanity? Hell, I'll build a vanity room!"

Get Romantic

Promise her she can write "(your name) + (her name) = Love4Evr" with a heart around it in the wet cement of the 6-foot-thick, reinforced concrete walls.

Complete Honesty

 

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"Of course your mother can stay here with us if she can fit through the tiny, tiny hatch."

Don't be Depressing

But do try to work in dire warnings whenever applicable: "Oh, honey, you dropped your ice cream cone. Look at it melting like we will in a nuclear war unless we have a bunker. I'll buy you a new one."

Or . . . "Our kids are so smart! Their brains will be especially sought after by hungry zombies. Good thing we will be safe in a bunker. I wonder where they got their smarts from?"

Hopefully, these tips help. Never let go of the dream!

NEXT: NEED TO FIND LAND TO HUNT ON?

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