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Top 10 Hilarious Amazon Reviews for “How to Avoid Huge Ships”


It sounds like the book ‘How To Avoid Ships’ is a life changer. 

Before heading out on any body of water in your own boat, you should always obey a few safety rules.

First, always wear a life jacket. The second, and maybe more important rule: you need to know how to avoid huge ships.

Luckily, the noble Captain John W. Trimmer wrote a book over this very topic.

Based on the title, you wouldn’t think this book to be as popular as it is. However, readers from all over the world have benefited from the contents within its pages.

One scroll through the over 1,200 Amazon book reviews of How to Avoid Huge Ships may give you all the information you need to make an informed decision on whether or not to purchase this book yourself.

Here are the top ten best examples of why you need this book in your life.


1. Noel D. Hill

“As the father of two teenagers, I found this book invaluable. I’m sure other parents here can empathize when I say I shudder at the thought of the increasing presence of huge ships in the lives my children. I certainly remember the strain I caused so long ago for my own parents when I began experimenting with huge ships. The long inter-continental voyages that kept my mom and dad up all night with worry. Don’t even get me started on the international protocols when transporting perishable cargo. To think, I was even younger than my kids are now! huge ships are everywhere and it doesn’t help that the tv and movies make huge ships seem glamorous and cool. This book helped me really approach the subject of huge ships with my kids in an honest and non judgmental way. Because of the insights this book provided, I can sleep a little better and cope with the reality that I can’t always be there to protect my kids from huge ships, especially as they become adults. I’m confident that my teens, when confronted by a huge ship, are much better prepared to make wiser decisions than I did. At the very least my children certainly know that they can always come to me if they have any concerns, questions or just need my support when it comes to the topic of huge ships.”

2. Citizenfitz

“I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer’s other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational. After reading them I haven’t been hit by anything bigger than a diesel bus. Thanks captain!”

3. amodestconsumer

“I make a living by hitting things with my Huge Ship. This book is absolutely DESTROYING my business! Please do not buy this!”

The earthquake-generated tsunami which struck Japan on March 11, 2011 tossed these huge cargo ships onto piers in the port of Hachinohe in northeast Japan.  Shot March, 16, 2011.

4. Cap’n Crunch

“This book really is one of the best huge ship avoidance references I’ve come across, not just for the effective methods it teaches as to avoiding huge ships, but also for exploding some of the huge ship avoidance myths that many of us take for granted.

For example:
– Do not charge the huge ship at full speed in an attempt to scare it off. This may work with coyotes, but it is less effective with huge ships.
– Similarly, do not roll your boat over and play dead. Unless the huge ship is captained by a grizzly bear, this will not work.
– Do not attempt to go under the huge ship. This is typically not successful.
– Do not attempt to jump over the huge ship.

Captain Trimmer presents a rather novel technique for avoiding huge ships – move your boat out of the path of the huge ship. I know what you’re thinking, this goes against conventional wisdom, but Trimmer presents significant empirical evidence to support his theory. Indeed, over the long run, moving out of the way will dramatically decrease the number of huge ship collisions you will have to endure in your daily life.”

5. Jamie

“There is one major oversight in this generally well-written book, and that is that it addresses animate readers exclusively. As a large rock in the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Giglio Island, I have recently been confronted with instances in which avoiding huge ships was of fundamental interest to my personal well-being. However, the methods presented in Capt. Trimmer’s book were none too useful in my efforts to avoid huge ships, as I was recently struck by a very large ship indeed, a cruise vessel called the ‘Costa Concordia’. I think the ship came off slightly worse in the exchange, but the experience was disruptive to my afternoon and rather jarring. In a situation such as this, Capt. Trimmer’s advice would have been immensely beneficial to humans, fish, seabirds, and other animals, but I am none of those things. I’m a big rock. I can’t zig-zag or duck and cover. Rocks don’t do that. I’ve tried. I tried some time ago to scoot over to the left a bit to get some better sunlight, and it took me three thousand years! That’s not fast enough to avoid even the slowest huge ships. It is for precisely this reason that I would advise Capt. Trimmer to augment this edition with a section intended for readers like me—perhaps “How To Avoid Huge Ships If You Are A Rock, Iceberg, Or Coral Reef”. There is an audience out there for this, Capt. Trimmer, and I assure you it would be well worth your time and effort.”

6. Dan

“Read this book before going on vacation and I couldn’t find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined.”

7. samuel c park

“I really wish I had read this book before meeting my first wife, Miss Ships. In ten years she did indeed become huge. My advice to every young man is to read this book before it’s too late.”


#8. j.a.

“Dear Captain Trimmer,
The uncalled-for cynicism and ridicule heaped on your book have likely made you gun shy about writing again. I encourage you to keep at it, for the world desperately needs your guidance on many a weighty matter. In particular, many hope you can apply your prodigious skills to the troubling issues below:

1. How to Avoid Huge Dinosaurs
There’s a lot of confusion out there about whether standing perfectly still next to a dinosaur makes you undetectable or just delicious.

2. How to Avoid Huge Meteors
I don’t carry a smartphone, so all of those ‘Avoiding Huge Meteor’ apps are useless to me.

3. How to Avoid Huge Imaginary Friends
This one pretty much speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

In sum, ignore the mockery. You’re already huge to your fans. Now it’s time to get huger. Write that next magnum opus.”

#9. icanReadz

“I think this book misses the bigger issue. We shouldn’t be just avoiding huge ships. We should be confronting them. If we spend our lives running away, the huge ships win”

#10. Arthur Compton

“Only effective at avoiding Reasonably Sized or Middlin’-class vessels. Unfortunately, Huge ships continued to prove unavoidable, especially on Friday nights and at office parties. Changing my cell number to avoid the drunk texts did not help, and on one occasion an aged Panamax crude carrier actually escaped the harbor, followed me home and asked if it was cool if he crashed on my couch for three months until his divorce went through.

Returned for refund, would not recommend.

Note to mariners: Gigantic, Massive and Comically Oversized-class ships were not tested, but presumably would produce similar results.”

If you didn’t get the message from reading these 10 comments, do yourself and buy this book today. Otherwise, you are setting yourself for a lifetime of dealing with huge ships.

Hopefully you enjoyed this top 10 as much as I did putting it together!

NEXT: Giant Rat Mistaken for a Dead Cat! [PICS]

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Top 10 Hilarious Amazon Reviews for “How to Avoid Huge Ships”