As long as it fires, launches, or generally blows something up, we want these weapons in our arsenal. Please.
We can always find a way to use these fantasy armaments later, but not until we get our grubby little paws on them. Have fun deciding what to do with these futuristic things if you had them.
1. Phaser Rifle- “Star Trek”
Kirk and Spock never lose, and the Phaser Rifle is one of the reasons why. The hand-held gun was deadly enough, but then they made it into a rifle? I’ll take a dozen.
2. Cobra Assault Cannon- “Robocop”
This single-shot weapon is roughly based on the Barrett M82A1 Sniper rifle. It can and will blow up everything from a pawn shop to the 6000 SUX. I want to see what it will do to the treestand some guy keeps putting on my property.
3. The Jericho Missile- “Iron Man”
We want to fire the missile that launched a thousand missiles. Did you see “Iron Man?” When you let one of these off the leash, be at least 20 miles away. As Tony Stark said, do it “how daddy did it.” I don’t remember my old man having one of these, but I’ll take his word for it. Or do you just want it because it comes with that insane high-tech bar and cooler?
4. The Golden Gun- “The Man With The Golden Gun”
Who doesn’t want a solid gold gun that can break down and become pocket-sized? It’s a pen one second, and a cufflink the next. I don’t know the ballistics or range, but hey, they made a whole movie about it. At 24 carats, the ammo might be a little expensive though.
5. Reverberating Carbonizer with Mutate Capacity- “Men in Black”
“You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs you piece of sh*t,” may be one of the best lines in a sci-fi movie ever. The best part is, we don’t really know what it does. Well, it has mutate capacity. That makes us want one even more.
More from Wide Open Spaces:
6. Weirding Module- “Dune”
An odd piece of technological design, the weirding module converts certain sounds into energy blasts. It would be great for our troops because you can never run out of bad things to say about the enemy. Or that jerk that just cut me off.
7. EM-1 Railgun– “Eraser”
If Arnold had it, we want it. The firing bursts travel at seven times the speed of sound. Don’t forget about the night vision x-ray scope in case you need to shoot something at midnight… on the other side of a wall.
8. Shoulder Plasma Cannon- “Predator”
I’ll take anything that is hands-free and has a laser-guided plasma blast. Is it better because it aims wherever you look, or that it can slice your enemy in half? It would cut down on field dressing time, that’s for sure. My only question: does it come with that crazy razor-tipped boomerang from the second movie?
9. Oddjob’s Hat- “Goldfinger”
Even the ladies can use this deadly chapeau. It may not help your golf game, but it will cure those slow players ahead of you and you’ll look good doing it. I wonder if it comes in a cowboy hat.
10. Head Bomb- “Total Recall”
This one has a lot of possibilities. It could come in handy whether you want to infiltrate Al-Qaeda or a passel of hogs. Maybe you could use it to imitate your ex’s new boyfriend, and then leave “him” there. A disguise that doubles as a bomb? Yeah, we want that too.
Honorable Mention: Light Sabers, that chain-mace Gogo used in “Kill Bill Vol. 1,” the “Tron” identity disc, anything from Halo, the law-giver from “Judge Dredd,” explosive nose charge in “Mission Impossible III”, and Iron Man’s repulsors.
The Death Star is too big and slow and they blow it up every time anyway so it didn’t make the list.
These guns aren’t real but one can dream, right? That’s what science fiction is all about.