When you’re struggling to get a pass for a weekend trip, here are three ways to convince your wife you need to go fishing.
You have worked hard to convince your wife that your boss did not need anyone to work overtime this weekend. Who knows, your new boss may never learn that your grandmother has died four times this year. The fact that the creek is warming up and the crappie are running should be a national holiday, so it’s your patriotic duty to go fishing.
1. The well-timed gift…
The problem is the boss at home also holds the key to the boat, ice chest, fishing poles, and she is not patriotic. One sure fire method to make her more patriotic is a gift certificate to the spa. Let her know you will miss her greatly, but she looks stressed and needs a day to herself. It’s best for her if you give her some “lady time” and you will go do a little fishing to give her some space.
Keep in mind, if you want to spend the whole weekend fishing, you will probably have to buy her best friend a gift card, too.
2. And the car, too…
Now the gar is spawning on the rocks, and the catfish are in a feeding frenzy. If she is at all suspicious about your motives from the spa, you may need a new level of cunning to pull this off. I suggest that you leverage the fact that she hates to take her car to the shop. She hates the grease, smell, and has a phobia about driving over the grease pit.
During the week, announce that her car is making a mysterious noise and it sounds dangerous. Each day, let her know the noise is getting louder and louder. After waking early Saturday, let her know you can not bear the thought of her stranded on the side of the road, and you are taking her car to the shop.
No one needs to know that the only thing the mechanic did is change the oil. Back at home, drag yourself in the door, let her know that the mechanic got the “Fluegger Valve” fixed. It was the hardest thing he has ever done, but it’s fixed. Good news though, it was under warranty. She will be thrilled you got it fixed for free and send you on your way to catfish heaven!
At this point, she is feeling pretty good about you. You have sent her to the spa and saved her from spending the night on the side of the road. Now you need a way to tempt the bass making their nest on the shore of Grand Lake. You have played two pretty good cards so far, but now it’s time to slap down the ace of spades. You’re gonna have to cook and clean!
3. Don’t forget to earn your keep
Take a half a day off work, preferably some paid time off they owe you. Buy some steaks, potatoes, and stuff for a salad. You don’t have to eat the salad, but the fact you made something only she likes earns you extra brownie points. Keep dessert simple and pick up her favorite ice cream.
Now you can hire this next thing done, and in many cases that may be a better option, but someone has to clean the house. If you don’t have cleaning skills, defer the job to a professional; no sense in blowing it at this point. Before she gets home from work, make sure to light the candles; I am not sure why, but it works for Clooney.
You should have the table set and dinner on the table. Try to make it all about her for the evening, while the whole time the boat is already hitched to the truck and fishing poles rigged. At this point there is only one way you can screw this up, don’t let her do the dishes. Women have held dish washing over our heads our whole lives, so make sure you clean up the mess or you will be mowing instead of fishing.
After the dinner and dessert, escort her through the clean house and draw her a bath while you do the dishes. Later that night she will say, “Honey that was so sweet, how can I ever repay you?” Now the bobber is under the water, the rod is bent, the fish is tugging, and all you have to do is set the hook!
I understand this may cost you time, money, and elbow grease, but if you play this right, you may get to fish all summer. It’s all in the delivery my friend. By the way, these only work once. Women are like the Borg, you can not use the same weapon twice!