Most outdoor products are designed to keep you safe, comfortable, or to simply have fun while hunting, fishing, or camping. But SkyMall’s products seem intended only to get your friends to laugh at you.
The catalog, which recently declared bankruptcy, was full of terrible products with little practical use. But it’s when they went after the outdoor market that things got especially ridiculous.
Here are some of the more absurd outdoor items to ever make it to the pages of SkyMall.
Solar Powered Cooling Hat
Nothing about this hat suggest it will make you cooler in any way. More likely it’ll just make you look like Inspector Gadget on safari.
The tactical solution for the heavy drinker, this baby can hold lots of Mountain Dew for those marathon “Call of Duty” sessions.
Animated Trailer Hitch
This is sure to make your buddies fawn in admiration; before they ask you to remove that cheap toy so they can hook up the boat already.
This is a great addition to your living room to show you haven’t successfully hunted anything within the last 70 million years.
It’s great for making a tree look like it’s a real life friend, which will come in handy after all your real-life buddies abandon you for decorating trees with faces.
Knuckle Meat Pounder
A great way to tenderize meat for those with anger issues. And you’ll be plenty mad after realizing you paid actual money just to beat a steak like it’s a mob informant.
Giant Sports Chair
SkyMall claims this product will “elevate your physical stature,” but I say it will make you look like a toddler using daddy’s camping chair.
Grizzly Bear Slippers
These are sure to inspire lots of great puns, like when people ask you how you can bear to be seen wearing these. Here, I’ll go: We may have the right to bear arms, but even the Founding Fathers would veto these.
Camouflage is meant to keep you hidden, but if you wear this, animals and people will see you; and they will both make fun of you behind your back.
Electronic Racket Zapper
Forget the classic fly swatter. Go after bugs with this electric tennis racket like an angry high-tech John McEnroe instead.
I can only guess how many hunters who bought this from SkyMall also later accidentally shot their trucks in the woods. But who else can brag that they took down a three-ton ten-point?
Backwoods Hunting Buddies
I guess it’s cute, until you start to question what this bear and moose are looking for through their binoculars. Have they finally teamed up to hunt down people? If so, we’re all doomed.
Even if Bigfoot was real, this would be a dumb thing to put outside. For starters, it’s not even blurry. Makes me wonder how many alleged Sasquatch sightings are believers simply spotting eachother’s statues from afar.
In retrospect, it’s hard to see what SkyMall expected of these products, short of getting a good chuckle out of its readers. For that reason alone I have to admit I’ll miss seeing SkyMall on my flights.
On the positive side though, with the catalog gone, the outdoors will hopefully soon be a little less tacky.