Are you ‘All American Man’ enough to buy this guy’s Jeep Wrangler?
I am a Jeep owner, and I echo this Indianapolis man’s sentiment regarding his ad on Craigslist for his beloved Jeep Wrangler. If you own one too, then you understand his feelings every time you give a “Jeep Wave” to another driver as they pass by on the highway.
If you are in the market for a new car, allow this patriot’s Craigslist Jeep Wrangler ad to inspire you to take the leap and make the greatest decision of your life. Be ready to fork over $31k before reading!
Just so you know, don’t give this Indianapolis man all the credit for this brilliantly written, hilarious ad. This was actually posted a few years ago. However, this updated version is perfectly executed to fit this specific Craigslist Jeep Wrangler post for 2016.
I should start by saying that if you are looking for a ‘Pajama party Barbie Jeep’ you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words ‘MEAT & POTATOES’. This is the All American chariot of the free world. You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy!
From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this 2011 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited JK 4×4. So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery. This babies pulse is pumping 3.8 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her V six nuclear power plant.
And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, and she will obey, the first time, every time. It has A/C but are you kidding me! Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. ‘What if it rains?’. . .You whiney B! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.
If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy! Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of crap. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your ‘sissy sponge glove car wash kit’ in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got Line Xed lined floors with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.
If you’re thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop from ARB over a wood burnin fire, That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a taliband roadside suicide bomber. And forget about putting one of those ‘it’s a Jeep Thing. . .You wouldn’t understand’ stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . real quick. If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this shit will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked!
1. More chest hair.
2. You’re growing a beard.
3. Meat Only Diet.
4. T-Rex for a pet.
5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill.
6. Your car carries five kegs.
7. Penis enlargement.
8. Catch more fish.
9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
10. Sex in the yard.
11. Sex in the garage.
12. All male offspring.
13. Chiseled jaw line.
14. Not giving a damn.
15. Flesh turning to steel.
16. Higher salary
18. Better looking wives.
19. Better looking mistresses.
20. More golfing
21. More killing stuff.
22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
23. More tools in your garage.
24. Bigger TV
25. Wife takes out the trash
26. Four Wheel Drive
27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
30. Chuck Norris.
31. John McCain
32. Steaks for dinner.
33. Winning the Lottery.
34. Women on the side.
35. Wrestling with bea
36. Building shit out of stone.
37. Riding Lawn Mower.
38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
39. Bar Fights.
40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.
41. Craftsman Tools.
42. Jay Bisset.
43. Welding stuff.
44. Digging holes.
45. Huge Piece of meat.
Put your GPS back in your purse.
Sounds good doesn’t it?
This jeep has carried me through 43,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie ‘300’. . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.Extra badassery included: 4″ lift ($1500). 5, 65R18, Fierce Attitude M/T tires($350 each, $1750), 5 Moto Metal 962 Gloss Blk 18″ Rims($220 a piece, $1100) the ARB Bull Bar Front Bumper w/ shop installation ($1200) full interior Line X with lifetime Warranty ($600) Tuffy Security Storage Safe ($700) Tuffy Hood Security Latch ($75) Hardtop Support Bar (helps to take the top off($100) Rugged Ridge Cowl Protectors ($75), New Rear Brakes and Rotors ($150)…over $6k in extras.
This vehicle also has the full electronic convenience package which include all electric windows and locks along with AutoStart and FOUR Keys w/ controls! This is not your typically grocery getter Jeep. Price is $31k But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Your $31k. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it.
See the original ad, or maybe even take the leap yourself and make this purchase before you run for President of the United States in the 2016 election.
You may have to beat me to it.