What do you say when your spouse has some complaints about you during hunting season?
You’ve heard the phrase, “We interrupt this marriage to bring you hunting season,” haven’t you? Many of us have been there. And if you have, you’ve come to the right place.
Here are eight common complaints and eight good hunting comebacks to try out when your spouse has some choice words for your obsession…err, hobby…this year.
Be advised, we don’t know your wife’s sense of humor, so use these with caution and some common sense.
1. “You absolutely disappear during the fall.”
Respond with: “That just leaves me less time to get into trouble here. Plus it equals more opportunities for you to have mother/son or mother/daughter time.”
2. “You need to shave your beard. And you smell funny.”
“But that’s part of my natural camouflage and musk system. Plus, my beard keeps my face warm and protects it from the harsh winds. Do you think cavemen showered and shaved? Doubt it.”
3. “You can’t be gone that long – you need to catch up on the honey do list or fix x, y, z.”
“You know I love the honey do list (dripping in sarcasm), but this is a great learning opportunity for you. You get to become the strong independent woman I know you are!”
4. “Why do you need to bring so much junk food?”
“I need high-calorie snacks to stay warm in the tree stand. Burning calories keeps me from hypothermia. You don’t want me to freeze, do you?”
More from Wide Open Spaces:
5. “Why do you spend so much money on hunting gear and your trip?”
“At least I’m not spending it gambling or on drugs! Besides, it’s all paying for groceries on the table. You know you love that delicious venison ham we make.”
6. “You’re just going to sit around deer camp pigging out and getting fat.”
“Hunting is very physical. I’ll be carrying my heavy stand around, climbing trees, and hopefully dragging heavy deer through the woods for miles. In fact, I’ll probably come back healthier than when I left.”
7. “Why do you need so many guns/so much ammunition?”
“Well, I need at least a different gun for each different animal. You can’t use a high-powered rifle for duck hunting. And as ammunition prices keep rising, I’m actually saving money in the long-term. Isn’t that responsible of me?”
8. “Don’t use up all your vacation time on this. Use it on a trip with the family instead.”
“You can all come with! It will be a backcountry trip with no electricity or running water. We’ll stay in a tent, sleeping on the ground. It might be snowing. Sounds rustic, huh?”
As mentioned above, use these hunting comebacks in moderation and with a dose of caution. Feel free to tweak them to suit your situation and personality. After all, you need to feel comfortable digging your own grave.