Included herein are 40 useless facts and fallacies of fishing and hunting’s most worthless pieces of information for your pure enjoyment. And then perhaps the garbage can.
You need to know this information. Why? Because it’s one of those train wreck moments when you just have to know some of the more useless mysteries of life.
I have what a good friend of mine calls “flypaper-memory.” The most simple and ineffectual pieces of information stick in there like glue, but where my car keys are is the ultimate mystery.
Now, after reading this, the next time you need to remember your wife’s birthday what you’ll actually remember is the fact that it’s illegal to hunt camels in Arizona.
Got your attention yet?
Now sit back for a few minutes and let me indulge you in some things that you probably already know, a few things you may have known, and some bits of information that will cause you to say Bulls@#t at your computer screen.
Let’s start with some animal fun.
1. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores
If there’s fish then it’s about fishing right?
2. For every human on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects
Ask any good trout fisherman or spring turkey hunter.
3. Mosquitoes have 47 teeth
I would have said 47 million.
4. Most lipstick has some amount of fish scales in it
Face it ladies- you officially have fish-lips.
5. Anteaters would rather eat termites than ants
Don’t tell the Orkin man.
6. Crocodiles cannot move their tongues
Crocodiles have tongues?
7. Plastic lawn flamingos outnumber real ones in the U.S.
Tell me about it.
8. Polar bears are left handed
Famous last words of a bad hunter.
9. Armadillos can get leprosy. The only other animal that can get it is humans
They don’t call ‘em Texas grave diggers for nothing.
10. Blue whales are the loudest animals on the planet
At 188 decibels, the largest living creature on earth can be heard almost 450 miles away.
11. Polar bears are actually black
If you comb their fur backwards you can tell, but they don’t like that and they will eat you for it.
12. Slugs have four noses.
And panfish love ‘em for it.
13. Porcupines float
But not that rubber raft you’re in when you encounter one.
14. Dolphins: the only animals besides humans that have sex for pleasure
No wonder they always look like they’re smiling.
15. Bats always take a left turn when they leave a cave
16. Cheetahs can go from zero to 45 mph in two seconds
My buddy did that once when he saw a trespasser in his treestand.
17. Saltwater fish pee very little; freshwater fish pee a lot
It’s happened to every fisherman.
18. A whale’s penis is called a “dork”
Hence the phrase “You big dork!” Now you know.
19. Almost 80 percent of the earth’s animals have six legs
I’m trying to think of one right now just like you are.
20. Eating the heart of a male grouse is said to cure impotence
The rising sun does it to most men, but grouse is better.
21. The average human will accidentally eat a pound of insects per year
Insects, dirt, saw dust, sand… what else?
22. Tigers have striped skin as well as fur
Somebody call Tony.
23. Most people fear spiders more than death
Some for sure, but most? Forget it.
24. Giant squids have the biggest eyes in the animal kingdom
Except me when I’m at the all-you-can-eat buffet.
25. Most mosquito repellents don’t repel, instead they hide you
Some work better than others; see this.
26. Lorne Greene lost one of his nipples by an alligator bite while he was hosting “Lorne Greene’s Wild Kingdom.”
That’ll make you forget that headache real fast.
27. 3.9% of women don’t wear underwear
Just seeing if I lost anybody. Carry on.
Now let’s add some state-by-state meat.
28. In Georgia, you can’t shoot deer in any lake, stream, or pond
How about heavy action surf-casting gear then?
29. In Tennessee it’s illegal to fish with a lasso
This means you cowpokes.
30. Pennsylvania forbids fishing with your hands or dynamite
So if you blow your hands off with the dynamite do you still get fined?
31. Montana forbids an unmarried woman to go fishing alone
Sounds like a date to me.
32. In Nebraska it is illegal to hunt whales
33. Connecticut states that you may not “hunt grey squirrel, rabbit, or other fur bearing creatures with dynamite, fire, smoke, brimstone, sulfur, gas or chemical.”
No brimstone?? C’mon Connecticut!
34. In Arizona you may not hunt camels
No camels. Live with it.
35. Texas is just Texas
36. Washington State does not allow fishing by rock throwing
Bring the Ugly Stick and some skills.
37. It’s illegal to get fish drunk in Ohio
How about fishermen?
38. You may not fish in Illinois in your pajamas
This is supposed to be specific to Chicago. Can we call them comfy pants instead?
39. In Florida it is illegal to molest a Key Deer
I mean can’t you just say hunt or chase or bother or anything but molest?
40. WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific armed their airplanes with .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measuring 27 feet long. If they fired all their ammo at a target, he was said to have gone through “the whole 9 yards”
Well that’s totally NOT useless, that’s very cool. #TheGreatestGeneration
So now you know the ‘whole nine yards’ But knowing how many more weird and useless pieces of information there are on the world wide web one could gather this stuff for a thousand more years and still not see it all.
Still, when you need to find these facts in your brain the information will find its way to the surface faster than you can say helicopter hog hunting!
Just don’t try to remember your anniversary without writing it down mister.