Making up excuses to get out of things you don’t want to do is an art form.
Arguably, there’s no one more skilled at crafting the perfect excuse than a hunter.
If you’re too vague, it will be a dead give away that you’re fudging the truth. But, you don’t want to give so much detail that it’s obvious you’re trying too hard.
Striking the perfect balance is tricky, especially when you’re trying to convince someone who knows you as well as your spouse or boss.
With fall hunting season underway, here are 20 excuses to keep in your back pocket the next time the urge to hunt strikes.
1. Jury Duty:
“It’s my civic duty. I’ll be in contempt of court if I don’t show up.”
2. Sick Child:
“Susie has a fever of 102. The daycare/school says that I have to come pick her up.”
Remember, this only works if you actually have a child.
3. Food Poisoning:
“I knew that grocery store sushi was a bad idea.”
4. Doctor’s Orders:
“It’s 70 degrees outside and my doctor said I needed to get more Vitamin D.”
5. Business Trip:
“My boss needs me to fly to New York. I should only be gone for a couple of days.”
This one needs no explanation. If your boss is a male, he won’t want to ask any questions. If she’s female, she’ll sympathize.
Just don’t try to use this excuse if you’re a man. There’s no way to spin it to work in your favor.
7. Pet Emergency:
“My dog ate an entire jar of vaseline, including the container. I’m heading to the emergency veterinarian clinic now.”
8. Stuck in Mud:
“My truck is stuck in the mud and it’s not four-wheel drive.”
Personally, I’ve used this one. When I showed up hours late, my boss didn’t buy it. The red clay up to my headlights finally convinced him.
9. Low Inventory:
“The freezer is almost empty. You don’t want to have to pay for meat at the grocery store, do you?”
10. Guy’s Getaway:
“Remember when you and your girlfriends went on that spa weekend? The woods are just our version of the spa.”
11. More Friends:
“Sarah’s husband has always wanted to try hunting and you always tell me I need to make more friends.”
12. House Repair:
“There’s a leak in my roof and they’re calling for rain this weekend. Today’s the only day the repair man can come fix it.”
13. Family Reunion:
“My family is having a family reunion. My grandpa is getting up there in age and this might be the last one for him.”
“I have to attend my uncle’s funeral.”
Of course you never want to lie about someone’s death. But, your boss doesn’t have to know that your uncle actually passed away five years ago.
15. Allergic Reaction:
“I got stung by a bee, and then I had to stick myself with an Epi-pen.”
16. Insect Bite:
“I went hunting last weekend and just found a tick on me. It’s starting to look suspicious, I should probably get it checked out by a doctor.”
Lyme disease is on the rise. Better safe than sorry.
17. Parent-Teacher Conference:
“Johnny has been acting out in school. We’ve been summoned for a parent-teacher conference.”
18. Broken Water Pipe:
“My entire basement is flooded. It’s going to take days to get the mess cleaned up.”
Reserve this one for after the first good freeze. Just cross your fingers that karma doesn’t come back to get you and a pipe actually bursts.
19. Chipped Tooth:
“I’m such a klutz and chipped my tooth, so I need to make an emergency dental appointment.”
“Remember the doctor’s appointment I had last week? My blood work came back irregular and they need me to come back in for a follow-up.”
This one is great if you find yourself calling out two Fridays in a row.
With a good range to choose from, at least one of these excuses should buy you some extra time in the treestand.