It’s that time of year: Hunting season. This season, you should just stay home.
It’s a time when all of the yahoos come out of the woodwork, drinking and shooting at every bush and branch and leaf that moves.
Maybe this year, you should stay home instead of going hunting.
Here are 15 reasons for you to stay home this year.
1. I haven’t been out in a few years, it might not be safe for you.
2. Then again, a lot of hunters go out every year, and you never can tell who’s being safe. Don’t risk it.
3. Be honest. When’s the last time you cleaned and sighted your gun or bow? I thought so.
4. I know you don’t shower in deer camp. Your stink will chase them all away. Don’t waste your time.
5. You have to get out of bed early for work every day. Why not sleep in on your so few weekends?
6. I don’t have any venison in my freezer. You being out there will just take food from my baby’s mouth. C’mon, think about the children!
7. Really, just how much meat does one need in the freezer anyway?
8. You’ve got more than one freezer stocked, don’t you? Selfish @#$!@#!
9. Ammo costs a pretty penny nowadays. Why not just save your money?
10. A recent study says humans hunt wrong. Instead of going for the big buck this year, why not just stay home and let nature takes its course?
11. Your uncle who lets you hunt on his land really can’t stand you and doesn’t like you on his property. Give him a break.
12. You get cold and miserable waiting out there, don’t you? Stay inside where it’s warm.
13. There are too many deer, you’ll never decide on one to shoot.
14. Did you ever consider that vegetarians might have a point?
15. Yeah, me neither.
Of course, I’m kidding about all of this. Well, except the vegetarian part.
The main reason I’d try to persuade you to not hunt is so I can have a better chance at success, and less people in my spot.
And if you do harvest more game than you need, consider donating it to feed the hungry.