Here are 11 reasons why you probably hate the outdoors.
Here are 11 reasons why you should just stay on the couch and leave the outdoors to us.
1. It’s Hot
It’s hot and you’ll get sunburned. Don’t venture out into the heat, it’s okay to stay inside with your air conditioning.
2. The Bugs
Bugs are bad in the backcountry, we get it. Who wants to have red welts and be itchy?
3. It’s Dangerous
There is always something bigger out there hunting you. Being in the outdoors can be dangerous. Better stay at home.
4. The Weather
In the summer, the woods are hot. In the winter, the woods are freezing. In the spring, a thunder storm could blow in. The woods are an invariable place. The weather is never predictable outside, unlike your thermostat.
5. The Equipment
The stuff you need for the outdoors can be heavy, expensive, and a hassle. Why spend money on outdoor products when you can go to the movies? Plus, setting up camp is hard.
6. It’s Hard
Who wants to be scrambling up a rock face when the couch is calling? It’s much easier to be lazy.
7. There is No Cell Service
What if something amazing happens when you are out of network? FOMO (fear or missing out) is real; better not unplug.
We mentioned that venturing into the outdoors is hard; your body really takes a beating. Nobody likes blisters.
9. Altitude Sickness
When you are up to high in elevation, you can get severe altitude sickness. This includes headache, dehydration, vomiting, dizziness, and disorientation. Better stay home.
10. No Showers
Sorry, only jumping into cold alpine lakes and streams. There is no hot running water in the backcountry.
11. It’s Ugly
Yeah, being in the backcountry with nobody around, miles from civilization is really ugly. We hate sunsets too.
It’s ok, we realize that it is tough to be an outdoorsman. The woods can really suck, we get it, so just leave it to us. We got this.
All .gifs via Giphy