We all have good and bad characteristics, but before you marry a hunter, you should think twice about these things before you say, “I do!”
Businessmen travel, lawyers work long hours, and teachers are under paid. What about hunters?
Now I’m not talking the hunters who do it for a living, no. I am talking about the man or woman you married who hunts even as a hobby.
In finding your soulmate it’s best to live by the 80/20 rule. The 80/20 rule in a nutshell, means you get 80 percent of what you want. If you can put up with the 20 percent that you don’t get, you are doing okay.
So, where do hunters stand? If you are already on the shorter end of the percentile with your significant other, here’s why marrying a hunter can push you to greater than that 20 percent.
1. Chores no more
Year-round your future spouse may be great helping out with chores. He helps with the dishes, the trash, mowing the lawn and even some laundry; unless that is of course during hunting season. As hunting season comes into full term, you will notice many things being put more and more on the back burner. Laundry especially, as the washer and dryer now has become hunting clothes only and your favorite lavender scented detergent has gone missing to ensure it does not get used in and around the hunting clothes.
2. No more beauty sleep
So you work a Monday through Friday, 9am-5pm job. You look forward to your weekend as soon as you punch in on Monday morning. So does your hunter spouse. Saturday morning comes, you are tucked away on that fifth hour of your eight to ten weekend hour sleeping schedule when his alarm clock goes off.
It’s Saturday morning and you are now awake at 4:30am and cannot fall back asleep. To top it off, you live in a state where hunting on Sunday is legal. Guess what? It’s only opening weekend of archery season, you have at least two more months to go.
3. You lose your “shared” space
So you had a shoe, purse and coat collection in the closet. He has his work boots, his favorite coat and his running shoes. Those are what most would call the recyclables. Hunting gear however, is not recyclable. As he buys the newest trending hunting boots this year he also needed that new orange and camouflage reversible parka, which he will hang up next to his other two parkas. He has a set of new chest waders that will go next to the hip waders.
Let’s not get started on the hats as he thinks he has to own a hat representing every piece of hunting gear and equipment he uses, which keep in mind those go right next to last years hats which are covering up every hat he has ever owned. Sorry dear, there just isn’t any room for you to get a new purse, also, I don’t think we can afford. Which brings us to number four.
4. “I worked overtime to pay for it!”
Any extra income your hunter spouse will make will go towards his hunting obsessions. Trust me on this one. That gun he has been wanting, consider it done because they called for an overnight snow storm and he was out plowing all night with no sleep, he deserves it. Sure he hasn’t taken you out to dinner in a couple weeks or to catch a new movie, I mean let’s be honest you can save money by cooking from home and getting that movie on Netflix when it comes out.
Most hunters live by the motto to “Work hard, play harder.” With that in mind, any hard work he puts in for an extra dollar, will more than likely go to him.
5. He shares pictures of his deer, not his family
The next time you see him standing in a circle of his buddies and you think to yourself, “Aww, they are all sharing pictures of us from our wedding or maybe they are sharing pictures of our newborn.” I hate to be the one to tell you this, but he isn’t. Nope, his new trail cam he just bought with his overtime money last week has been active over his new feeder and he has tons of new shooter bucks this year on his hit list he is bragging about.
6. You will no longer have any freezer space
Okay so this could be a good thing or a bad thing and also depends on if he is a successful hunter or not. On successful years, someone who takes and harvests several deer each year, will no longer offer any room in your freezer.
You wanted to get Weight Watcher’s ice cream bars? Not with a venison ham roast and two tenderloins tucked in the bottom freezer drawer under the ground venison packages. Looks like you are going to have to settle for chips and fruit again.
7. Vacations will never be the same
So you work hard year round. You took on a promotion to help pay for your wedding, which forces you to now work 12 hour days instead of the regular eight. You need and want a vacation. You are thinking somewhere south, where there is a beach and lots of sun. How about Key West? That is almost exactly how my fiancée decided on our vacation destination this past March.
Little did she know, there was a hog hunting outfitter just a few short hours from where our plane landed in Fort Lauderdale. You guessed it. I packed my hunting boots, pants, long sleeves, face masks and bow to fly to the very warm, sunshine state, for her (and our) vacation. I did say fiancée so I hope she doesn’t read this before October and get cold feet. If he is a hunter, he’s going to make the best of the vacation and his definition of “the best” may be slightly different than yours.
8. Directional compass, not moral compass
If you think men in general are bad and hate to ask for directions, you better hope your man isn’t a hunter. As hunters, we pride ourselves in connecting with our heritage and being able to tell by the time and our shadow, which direction is North. If we can do that, do you think we need an electronic device to tell us how to get from Missouri to Ohio?
You head East, we know where we are going. And if you at any time think we are lost, we are not. We are hunters who like to take the scenic route as it’s the best opportunity to get a glimpse at a Pope & Young buck along the way.
9. He’s no Charlie Puth
If you don’t know who Charlie Puth is it’s ok, let me try to explain. “I’m only one, call away!” You know that hit song that is constantly on the radio. The one that makes you feel warm inside knowing you have someone to call for anything at any time during the day or night. Unfortunately, if you marry a hunter, he isn’t only one call away. First off if he is even lucky enough to hunt where there isn’t cell phone reception you aren’t reaching him, oh and he is gone for the whole weekend too?
I bet you wished you got him that SPOT Gen3 for Christmas now don’t you. Some of you are thinking, well my spouse hunts just down the road from our house. He sure does, and while he is hunting, he is remaining very still and extremely quiet. Therefore he has put his phone on silent and may not notice that you have called. If he has noticed, the chances of him answering and holding a conversation with you are next to none. Sorry, but if Charlie Puth is your dream man, there’s no doubt in my mind he isn’t much of a hunter.
10. Your budget will include taxidermy
House decorations are as important for him as they are to you. So he may not be a “qualified” interior designer, but he knows for sure the stuffed, shoulder mount version of his favorite buck on trail camera would look great next to the mantle. And okay, he let’s you have an opinion and you know what, you’re right. It would look better in the corner next to last years buck that he got early season with the bow.
See, maybe it won’t be so bad. He admits when he is wrong, takes your keen, decorative eye and thoughts into consideration. And overall is really just looking out for you and the interior design of the house.
Maybe not all hunters are die hard, but I can assure some of these may pertain to your spouse or future spouse. If there is one thing that is quite common of most hunters however, it’s that we wouldn’t enjoy being in the outdoors as much as we do, if we didn’t have someone like you to either share it with, or come home to.
At the end of the day hunters are just passionate about the outdoors and ultimately there are many worse things that your significant other could be obsessed over. Hunting can provide life lessons, skills and of course food, so if ultimately his passion for hunting is only 20 percent or less of that in which you can’t deal with, think of the 80 percent of good that he provides to the relationship and things will be just fine.