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10 Reasons You Should Never Marry an Angler

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Before you say yes, read our list of reasons NOT to marry an angler. Your very life may depend on it.

Lots of articles these days make it a point to describe exactly why marrying an outdoorsman would be a good idea.

But wait, there might be something more to it. Here are 10 reasons why you should stop and think before you ever walk down the aisle with a fishing fan.

1. You’ll spend more time together

If you marry an angler you will be forced to be in their presence constantly. They’ll have to show you how to cast and help you bait the hook and you’ll probably have to eat shore side lunches with them and pick out clothing together. Blah blah blah.

It’s just way too annoying. Really, can you imagine a person that you would make that kind of commitment to? I’d rather say my vows and spend the rest of our years watching Friends reruns without speaking to one another like normal people do.

2. Fresh fish overload

ftd-cabelas-fishingknots

I’ve heard too much omega 3 intake can lead to an increased tendency to swim and pucker your lips. These are just two side effects of eating large quantities of fresh fish. Another downside to marrying an angler.

From perch fillets to smoked trout to grilled salmon – all that delicious, high quality table fare gets old fast. I mean, who would want to eat tender, juicy, natural, fresh, healthy, tasty, awesome, fantastic food all the time? I sure wouldn’t.

3. Vitamin D abundance

If the weather is even remotely fair, your significant other will drag you outside to fish. It’s going to happen.

That means you’re going to have to endure long, warm hours underneath the sun. And even though vitamin D is one of the most rising deficiencies in Americans and your health benefits greatly from it; including healthy bones, great teeth and even protection against cancer and diabetes, I think it’s better to stay indoors and underneath the covers where it’s safe.

4. They’re just too strong

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Let’s be honest. Skinny is the new cool. You’ve seen all the magazines and commercials these days. Thin hipsters are today’s super hero. That’s why it’s important to never get too much exercise.

And if you marry an angler, you’ll be casting and walking and rowing and hiking to rivers, lakes and ponds. Your body will be in shape. Maybe even, dare I say, ripped!

And that’s just not a good look anymore.

5. You’ll have a boat

Three_men_in_bass_boat_spending_a_relaxing_late_afternoon_fishing_in_quiet_water

Angler’s come with boats. It’s a packaged deal.

That means hours and hours of water time for you. And who in their right mind would spend their leisure moments drifting down a mountain river or cruising ocean flats? All those panoramic views and beautiful scenery? Sick.

6. Your children will be involved

It’s inevitable: if you marry an angler, they will insist that you drag your children along with you to all these outdoor meccas. And naturally, your children will develop a deep love and understanding for nature and wildlife.

With new video games hitting the shelves weekly, that’s time they can’t afford to lose. Xbox and PlayStation would suffer tremendously by your offspring’s willingness to enjoy mother nature. That’s simply unacceptable.

7. Fish get your money

Nothing in life is free. We’ve all heard the saying. And even though most states offer free fishing days and you can get fishing poles for practically nothing at garage sales or sporting goods stores, eventually you will have to spend a few bucks to go fishing.

And when you buy a license or some fishing tackle, a portion of those sales goes to conservation and research that increases fishing opportunity for all and ensures the future of all those finned water breathers.

I’d rather keep my $2.57 for a big mac, wouldn’t you?

8. Fish are ugly

1 Carp Epic..

I remember the first time I caught a brook trout. I almost vomited. It was just too much for me to handle. Red, brown, blue, purple, orange, black and white. It was like I was holding a sunset in my hands.

The heavenly and sublime feeling I experienced made me nauseous. Your fishing partner will force you to look at the same creatures that inspire painting, poetry and song. I’m getting sick again just thinking about it.

9. Smelly Hands

I’m not sure what to say on this one. Your hands may indeed smell from time to time.

10. You May Die of Laughter

Bass-Fishing

It’s nothing to joke about. Laughter is a serious, serious health risk and you need to make sure you monitor your levels.

Anglers are notorious for creating spontaneous, unpredictable moments that force you into a state of utter euphoria. Whether they hook themselves in the back of the ear or fall out of the boat, you can be certain that something will happen while fishing with your partner that will bring you to tears of joy and happiness.

Who wants more of that in their life?

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10 Reasons You Should Never Marry an Angler