These 10 hunting Christmas gifts will have you running to the return line.
As the holiday season closes in, that means another season is coming; the season of returning awful gifts. While the idea is abhorrent to some, all over the country millions of people take the liberty of returning Christmas gifts that were less-than desirable. Hunters, it seems, often receive more than their fair share of return-worthy presents. Our friends and relatives often mean well, but when a non-hunter tries to buy gifts for a hunter, things can go terribly wrong.
Here are 10 hunting christmas gifts that you will want to return, as well as some ideas for what to get in return. We suggest not being too obvious about it; your friends and relatives mean well… they just don’t know better.
1. Bad t-shirts
This is a pretty dangerous one. Hunters, as well as hunting shirts, run the gamut… some hunters love them, some despise them. The shirts themselves also range from the tasteful to the downright obnoxious.
We suggest exchanging less-than-tasteful hunting shirts for clothing that you will actually wear… or gift cards.
Gift cards are great.
This is a device that probably works, and isn’t cheap either. The person who bought you this probably put a bunch of thought (and money) into their gift. The problem is, a $2 bottle of talcum powder works just as well.
This is one gift that you may not want to return; while a bit unnecessary, it’s actually a pretty cool piece of technology.
3. Orange TP
If you receive orange toilet paper as a Christmas gift, one of two things has happened; either someone is trying to be funny, or one of your relatives REALLY doesn’t understand the whole hunting thing.
With the money you get from returning a roll, get a case of the real stuff. After all, nature’s call is no respecter of time or circumstance… and who doesn’t appreciate three-ply?
4. Tactical Pens
This is another one of those “they mean well but it’s way too expensive” gifts. There is an entire market built around painting things black, calling them “tactical,” and tripling the price. If you’re in a line of work that actually makes a tactical pen necessary, you may want to consider a new job.
Ammo is great.
5. Nose Jammer
While many hunters swear by this stuff, there’s no doubt that it doesn’t inhibit a deers sense of smell. What it does is make your whitetail woods smell like your grandma just baked a big batch of cookies.
Unless you’re a believer, return the can full of cookies and pick up Dead Down Wind’s laundry detergent from Cabela’s. After all, scent control begins with scent prevention.
More from Wide Open Spaces:
This is another one of those “throw money at you presents.” While it may or may not work, the person who bought it certainly certainly skipped the traditional pen/paper/tape measure thing and went straight for the jugular.
If you decide you’d rather purchasing something you actually need, check out this PSE Kingfisher bow fishing package. Because shooting fish from a bow is much more necessary.
7. Johnny Seat
The person who puts this under your tree is probably trying to tell you something. After all, the time-tested method of “holding it” has been working just fine for centuries.
If you decide that you’d rather return it and spend the almost $100 elsewhere, check out these base layers from Bass Pro. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be warm and dry while holding it rather than be shivering over a steaming bucket of last night’s pork chops.
8. The Kruncher
While the theory is understandable, the Kruncher has produced less-than-stellar results.
The person who bought this probably didn’t know any better. Return it without telling them, and pick up some Primos mouth calls from Bass Pro. Turkey season is right around the corner, and your relatives will never know.
Like someone wanting you to sit over a pile of your own waste, someone who thinks you need scent control chewing gum has something to say. Not only is this a waste of money, it’s a waste of money that could be better spent elsewhere.
Gum that’s not designed to make your breath smell like a pine tree is a place to start. Or, as deer season is still open in many states, pick up a pack of hand warmers from Sportsman’s Guide. Scent-free breath, after all, is no good if you’re too cold to stay outside.
10. Deer-view Mirror
“Thanks Grandma, turning my head to look behind me WAS starting to strain my neck,” said no one ever.
Ammo is good.
Bonus: Game Tender
Yeah, it’s exactly what it looks like; a device for giving your already-dead game a healthy electrical shock.
You could either keep it and use it for pulling pranks around deer camp (imagine the possibilities), or check out the Bushnell The Truth rangefinder from Cabela’s. Knowing how far away your target is so you can execute an ethical shot is way more important than giving it a shock for good measure.
Those were some great hunting christmas gifts… that we’re sure you’ll return. But make sure you still say thank you!